The other night, Adeline’s one request was to go down to the field and throw the ball for Truckee. Knowing that I needed to snap a few photos of our pup for the blog anyways, we loaded everyone up while dinner cooked and walked down to our favorite field to get some wiggles out.
While we were down there, I couldn’t help but sneak a few photos of Adeline as well. The sun was shining its perfect golden hour light, and watching her run around, wild and free while digging in the gravel, searching for the perfect rock, was just so pure and innocent. It hit me that her life right now, is so, so simple. It’s about going to preschool, playing with Mommy and Daddy and baby brother, and picking up rocks just because. She doesn’t have a care in the world, and her whole world, is us. She hasn’t been faced with anything scary, hard, or difficult and the most trying decision she has to make is which stuffed animal to bring in the car. Every single thing she does is still so cute, and precious, and reflective of her being little. And I wish this would never change.
I want to remember these days so badly, and I want her to stay this little forever. Well, at every stage up until now I’ve wanted to freeze time, but now that it feels like with each passing day she’s FOR REAL becoming a big kid (and reminds me on the reg) I’m realizing that I can’t get these moments back and she is truly growing up so fast! Like, so fast. And I just don’t want her to! These days are going to be gone in the blink of an eye and I don’t.want.them.to.end. I love everything about her at this very point in time, and I don’t want her getting any bigger, gosh darn it. I love that she still feels little, even though she plays big and acts big. She can still fit perfectly in my lap, asks me to snuggle, and needs me as much as I need her. I want to watch her run through fields and throw rocks forever, OKAY?!
Sometimes I feel like time goes slower for other people, but faster for us. Like when I look at my friend’s babies who are just a month or two younger than Barrett, I swear it feels like they are TINY and have been tiny FOR SO LONG. And yet it feels like Barrett is huge and that same timeframe was like two seconds long. Does that even make sense? But then at the same time, when I look at my nieces and nephews who are bigger than Adeline, I can remember holding every single one of them mere hours or days after they were born. And yet, now they’re so big! Some of them are even in elementary school, with the oldest being in second grade. And then I look at Adeline, and it makes me so sad because I feel like for my nieces and nephews, that time has flown by and now all of a sudden they’re like, tweens practically, and I just know I’m going to blink and Adeline is going to be exactly where they are now and I’m going to be thinking these exact same thoughts again and be so confused how the time flew by and my mama brain is just spiraling out of control!
I guess what I’m saying is, I love the stage of life that we’re in now. The picking up and throwing rocks stage. The crazy chaotic semi-toddler-little-kid-who-thinks-they’re-big-but-really-they’re-still-little stage. The everything-they-do-is-cute stage. And I just want to bask in it a little longer, and pretend like no, her legs aren’t getting longer, it’s just my eyes playing tricks on me. No, her sassy attitude doesn’t mean she’s getting older and smarter and wiser, it’s just a new part of her personality coming out. And no, those aren’t tears in my eyes. It’s fine, I’m fine.
Babies don’t keep! They are tiny time machines. I have an almost 3.5 year old, and an almost 6 month old and my mind is blown. And I’m almost 30 years old, which also feels very surreal. I know before I realize it, Barrett will be the 3.5 year old and Adeline will be rocking first grade and I’ll once again be asking myself where these years went.
Stay little forever, sweet girl. You’re not allowed to grow up!
Thanks for listening to me ramble.