Time, ya’ll. It just won’t seem to slow down. Ever since deleting the Facebook app off my phone, I feel like I’ve made a huge intentional effort to be more present with Adeline. I’m trying to set my phone down more, and just be with her. It blows my mind how quickly a day can fly by, and before I know it, I’m laying her down in her crib for the night, praying for God to slow the hands of time.
Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened, and it only seems to be speeding up. Maybe it’s because our days are full of routine chaos, or because our toddler is go-go-go. Either way, there will only ever be 24 hours in the day, so I’ve got to make the most of it! Sometimes I catch myself thinking I’m watching my life from up above – like I’m watching the movie of my life, except someone is stepping on the remote and it keeps fast forwarding. Is that weird?
I wonder sometimes what my parents must feel like, having kids that are all grown up, and now with kids of their own. They too experienced these precious years of young children, and I bet in the moment, they felt the same – loving every minute of life, but wishing time would slow down. My biggest fear is that I’m going to blink and Adeline is going to be grown, and have kids of her own, and I’m going to wonder where the time went. Like I’m going to wake up one day and all these years will just be gone. Poof, just like that.
Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You can’t possibly understand how hard it is until you’re in it, especially how hard it is on your heart. It’s like my greatest joy also breaks my heart, day in and day out. Or like I love her so much sometimes I think my heart physically aches.
I don’t ever want to feel like I didn’t spend enough time with her. I don’t ever want to forget her sweet little toddler years. I don’t ever want to forget well, literally everything. Can I just cut it short and say I want to remember all the things?
Last weekend we headed to the park for a little “us” time. You know, Mommy and Me time if you will. We packed up our quilt, stopped by Sonic and picked up two grilled cheese sandwiches, put on our matching tennies, and plopped down in a halfway sunny, halfway shady spot up in the woods.
And you know what we did? We had ourselves a little picnic. No phone. No computer. No TV. And it was so nice! Adeline insisted on sitting in my lap most of the time, and also insisted on eating more than her half of our grilled cheeses! Of course – it’s always 70/30 with this girl. 😉
After we ate and soaked up some rays, we explored the woods, ran wild up and down the path, and showed everyone who passed where our belly button is. She carried her camera and her purse – girl after my own heart. If I didn’t know better I’d swear I was looking at my mini-me.
She is so hard to take pictures of these days, but instead of getting frustrated I’m remembering that even if I’m capturing candid moments, this is life. I love watching her take in the world around her. She’s starting to exude independence, and take on newly charted territory as a big girl.
My heart can’t get enough of her piggies reflecting in the sunlight, and her tiny hands digging in the dirt, and her chubby knees gaining more scratches and bruises by the day, and her curious eyes soaking it all in. She’s quite the curious little one, and I like to imagine similarities between us at the same age. I bet my parents feel like it was just yesterday that they were chasing me through the woods, thinking the same thing about their own childhood years.
Recently I came across a new song, “Wheels” by Steve Moakler. It found its way onto my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist, and in an instant I was ugly crying at my computer. It perfectly sums up this season of life.
“But they don’t slow down / The speed picks up / You start wishing you were young as soon as you grow up / And the farther you roll / The faster they spin / They drive you away and bring you home again / I swear sometimes it feels / Like life’s just a set of wheels”
People probably think I take way too many photos of Adeline. She’s consumed my blog and social media. But until you can grasp the fierceness of a mother’s love, and the speed at which motherhood flies by, you just can’t comprehend it. Life’s too short to miss a moment. Life isn’t slowing down, it’s only getting busier and faster. I love this little girl with every single ounce of my being, and I don’t want to forget a millisecond.
Adeline Elizabeth, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have captivated my entire heart, and I love every second we spend together!
Now if someone could just PLEASE MAKE TIME SLOW DOWN THAT’D BE GREAT!! K thanks.