How was your weekend? As usual, ours flew by, but was sweeter than pie thanks to Miss A. I’m already looking forward to a short work week, and excited for a long Easter weekend with family. I think Adeline is ready for some cousin time, and I have a feeling she’ll be able to hold her own with the big kids. Adeline is full on RUNNING now, and it just melts me. She has this cute little bouncy run and she always yells “ahhh!!” whenever she really gets going. It’s adorable, and sometimes nerve wracking.
Lately, we’ve been catching ourselves saying, “she looks so big!”, “she looks like such a little girl!”, “she looks like a KID!”, “when did she get so big?”, “she’s such a toddler now!”. And on, and on. Anyone else relate? I’m still not really sure when it happened, but Adeline looks like a tiny teenager now! She’s officially a little girl, and not just a little baby. It’s so much fun though. Way more fun than I ever imagined, but my goodness, this little girl of mine has one not-so-little attitude!
I always knew that people said toddlers were hard to parent, but I honestly thought it probably wasn’t that big of a deal. MY kid would never throw tantrums in public. MY kid would never scream and cry when we took a toy from them. MY kid would never collapse into the fetal position and scream just because I looked at them the wrong way. MY kid would never hit me in the face. MY kid would never throw toys across the room. MY kid would never run away from me when I asked them to come here. MY kid would never through their food on the ground at a restaurant then throw a fit at the table. MY kid would never do the slimy worm and slide off my lap and melt into an angry puddle on the floor in public. Oh, your toddlers don’t do that?
Not gonna lie, some days I can’t get over how much of her own person she’s becoming. It’s fascinating really. And equally tiring/exhausting/frustrating/humbling. More than anything though, it’s just tough! It’s tough navigating the waters of parenting another human being who, for some odd reason, doesn’t think the same way you do! We are in such a limbo right now because she’s not quite old enough to understand strict discipline, or time out, or even dare I say it, a slap on the booty. I want to be able to teach her right from wrong, but there’s only so much an almost 18 month old can comprehend. Honestly, she laughs most times I try to “discipline” her, which leaves me feeling like not-so-Super Mom while I too try to hold back a laugh. She’s lucky she’s cute, is all I’ll say for now.
I’ve thought a lot about what it must be like for her. I can have a parent pity party all I want, but I know it’s hard for her too. She can’t communicate what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling, or what she’s wanting. She gets told “no” more times than “yes”. She’s growing like a weed, has teeth popping out of her head left and right, and she’s still learning to balance herself on all types of terrain which leaves her knees scuffed up on a regular basis. Being a toddler has to be hard. It’s no wonder God designed it so we don’t remember those days. I told Adam today that she’s feeling ALL the feelings, ALL the time, but she doesn’t know how to communicate them yet or decipher what those feelings mean. She can pretty much only communicate the extremes – happy, sad, or angry. There doesn’t seem to be much in between for toddlers. It breaks my heart sometimes to not be able to fully understand her needs at times.
I guess my point is, I’m trying to be more patient with her, and remember that this is her first time too. We’re both going through this together. It’s our first rodeo. We’re learning as we go. I’m trying to give myself a little more grace, and remember that Adeline is just a child, being a child. I want to always make sure I pause to try my best to understand her, so that she will learn to pause, and understand me. In the midst of a breakdown, I often tell her, “breathe Adeline, think through it, it’s ok, what do you want?” but maybe that’s actually for the both of us. The last thing I ever want to do is react out of anger. It’s hard trying to figure it all out, but I’m learning that that’s half the fun of it.
Giving yourself grace as a mother can be so important, but giving the littles an equal helping of grace isn’t such a bad thing either.
PS head over to Instagram to see weekend happenings. I’ll try to do a recap tomorrow!