Y’all, two kids is hard. It’s really hard. I’ve been trying to write up a postpartum post about what the first four weeks has been like but every time I sit down to try, my brain starts racing in a million different directions and I end up in a fog. I still feel like I’m starting to feel human again, and have so enjoyed soaking up these newborn days without the added task of blogging. I think I’ve put this invisible pressure on myself to blog in detail about postpartum but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t HAVE to blog right now and I need to give myself grace. I feel like I’m such a different mom now than I was after having A and I just don’t have the desire to share as many details. Forgive me if this post feels like word vomit. I really just wanted to write what I could in the moment and share a few of my favorite photos I’ve snapped of him while I had a free hand!
B is SUCH a snuggler that putting him down is rare and he isn’t the biggest fan of his swing or bouncer just yet. I’m ok with these extra snuggles though because I know how quickly they’re gone. I’m actually writing this post on my phone right now while he eats! And probably will continue to after he falls asleep in a milk coma, ha! Multitasking at its finest! I also don’t remember the last time I showered and I’m pretty sure I have spit up on every inch of me, so I may as well just keep up this streak! #momlife
I’ve felt pretty good these past four weeks, and have truly been shocked by how much easier things have been with baby #2. Physically I’m thankful to have felt better sooner than I did with A. I’ve been able to start going on walks, I haven’t experienced any bouts of mastitis and other than some prolonged soreness and aching I’m finally starting to feel healed down there. Don’t get me wrong, recovery wasn’t easy, and I know I pushed myself too hard a few days which resulted in a few steps backward. My biggest complaint recovery wise would probably be pain around my stitches and around my pelvic muscles/groin. By the end of the day those first couple weeks I was nearly in tears just walking around the house because everything was still so sore and being on my feet too much really aggravated it. Thankfully it got better right around the three week mark. But overall, in the grand scheme of things I’d say it was easier to recover the second time, but still no fun.
For B, he’s fit in seamlessly and is really such a good baby. He’s been sleeping good, eating like a champ, and napping a healthy amount. I’m obsessed with his fuzzy head of hair and his newborn smell, and his getting-there chunky thighs! He’s pretty gassy though, and all Hell breaks lose if he’s got even a single drop of pee in his diaper. Oh and come bedtime he’s wide awake, of course. But oher than that, bringing home a second baby has been about what I expected. It’s funny how quick those newborn skills come flooding back. The hardest part has actually been learning how to juggle my time with A and sorting out those feelings that are making my heart heavy. I’ve cried numerous times because of how stinkin’ sweet she’s been and I can see how badly she still craves mommy’s attention! I wish I could write down all the sweet things she’s said but bless her heart, I just love her so much! She and Adam are basically attached at the hip right now, as expected, and any little time I can spend 1:1 with her she just lights up and is so happy. It breaks my heart into a million pieces when she says “mommy can you play with me?” and I have to say no because B is screaming at me to be fed. It’s really been a hard thing to figure out, harder than figuring out a baby again. I keep reminding myself that we’ve had a newborn before, but we’ve never had an almost three year old. And we’ve certainly never had both at the same time.
The baby blues have stayed away, and I’d venture to say I didn’t even experience them this time around. That in and of itself has made these past four weeks much more manageable. But, last night was the first time I started to feel some anxiety creeping in, after a particularly hard day. Adam is the one who actually noticed it so I know it’s important to take note and recognize it for what it is. I’m sure it will come and go, so I’m hoping it was just a result of being overtired. I always feel mentally clearer in the mornings and during the day but the evenings are when I can feel those hormones start to plummet. Keeping myself distracted or taking a walk has helped though. I think it’s safe to say things are getting real and we’re starting to enter those weeks where B really starts to wake up from his newborn haziness and has a lot more awake time, which translates into being more needy. Which then further translates into my hands being even more full!
My days during these past four weeks have mostly consisted of nursing B, taking way too many cuddly baby pictures, changing an ungodly amount of poopy diapers and being covered in endless amounts of pee, binge watching Netflix and Hulu (I think I’ve exhausted all my options so feel free to send recommendations for something new to watch!) and sneaking in small amounts of self care so I don’t lose my sanity! With this being our second baby I know how important it is to take care of yourself, even in the simplest of ways, even though it can be difficult. I don’t feel as guilty this time around leaving B with Adam so I can make a quick Dr Pepper run just to get out of the house. And I don’t feel nervous leaving B while he naps to take a quick shower – he can cry for a few minutes if he has to. Of course, showers don’t happen often these days! I need to get better about prioritizing walking and eating a little better but that will come with time. I’m excited about being able to work out again, and hopefully once I’m cleared the weather will cool off and we can spend more time outside with both kids.
We’ve done a lot these past 4 weeks and I’m really proud of how we’ve handled things. I feel like we’ve approached it with more teamwork than last time and I’m sure a lot of that has to do with the fact that we’ve done it before, we’re a little older, and Adam works from home and has been able to be around to help me more. We’ve just been much more laid back and have embraced the crazy. Some nights when everyone is screaming or crying we just scream right back and laugh at what our life has become! We’re definitely a circus at times! For A’s sake, we’ve tried to keep her in her normal routine and that’s been really important to me. She’s still been going to school, and we’ve already made it to church two Wednesday nights for small group and our first Sunday morning this last week!
We’re currently dealing with a case of thrush, which has been a slight source of stress and worry. I’m pretty sure B’s had it for well over a week without me even noticing or thinking anything of the “symptoms.” Word to the wise: if your boobs are hurting, like really hurting, after feedings and your baby’s tongue is white, it’s not because you’re still overly full and he has milk on his tongue. It’s probably thrush! I felt so defeated when I finally figured this out because I thought I’d been doing so well with breastfeeding and had diligently pumped to make sure to avoid mastitis and plugged ducts. I never experienced thrush with A so this was a new thing to me. We’re both being treated for it now though and it should clear up in a few days.
Moving forward with blogging about both kids, I’m feeling like I want to reign in what I share. Now that A is getting older, I want to start respecting her privacy a little more and be more mindful about what she might see later. Same with B. I want to make sure I don’t post anything that could embarrass him in the future or hinder his future career somehow. Becoming a mom of TWO has me rethinking and reprioritizing all the things!
I feel like I still have so much more I want to blog and get off my chest but for now I’ll just say that we are surviving this two kid thing and loving it at the same time! It’s so hard, and I hope and pray I get into a better routine soon so I can spend more time with my girl, but until then Adam has been a rockstar dad and spoiling her big time. Gosh I could just cry thinking about how sweet she’s been and how much she’s been talking and changing lately. I could write an entire post just on precious things shes said. She’s grown up so much in the past month that my heart just aches in the best way. I love her personality so much and she is just the best little girl ever!! Oh if I could bottle up time. The few times I’ve gone out with just A have felt so weird, like the “good old times” weird. It still seems weird that B is finally here, but a part of me still misses our old life where A was our whole world. I feel like I just don’t know who B is yet – what his personality will be like and what he’ll be like as a toddler. It’s crazy to think I once didn’t know who A was going to become!
I’ll be back soon with Barrett’s ONE MONTH update!! How is that even possible???